Different Expressions of Alcoholism

I've been doing some reading about Moderation Management vs Alcoholics Anonymous. In MM, they try to rehabilitate you, retrain your Booze Brain to go back to that time when you could have a drink, enjoy it and stop at that. In AA, they tell you that you're dreaming if you think you can stop at that, but, okay, go ahead and give it a try. You'll be back.

I have committed to stopping for 30 days (yesterday was my first full day without). MM mandates that you do and AA says that it needs to be forever, so I figure the 30 days is a given, anyway. I will evaluate how I feel at the end of that time and sort of decide which road I want to take.

There is a part of me that is desperate to believe that I can go back to the old days. After all, I am not the kind of drinker that needs to get up in the morning and drink, then continue to drink all day just to make it through. I have learned, though, that there is no "one size fits all" type of drinker. I am a highly functioning drinker. Most people have no idea how much booze I consume on a daily basis. But I never drink before 5PM and I usually stop after 3-4 drinks. (An aside: If you are not a drinker, then 3-4 drinks sounds like A LOT of alcohol, especially for a woman. If you are an addict, that isn't really much, trust me.) I wake up everyday with a dry mouth, but I get on my running shoes and exercise for an hour, eat healthy all day and by the time 5PM rolls around, Booze Brain says, You deserve a break today!

In AA, they say that only you can determine if you are an alcoholic. What I think separates problem drinkers from alcoholics is craving. A problem drinker can go out and binge a bunch of times, but then spend 2 weeks "drying out," not really thinking much about it until the next party. Problem drinkers get plastered. Alcoholics might not necessarily get drunk, but they can't stop drinking, even when they really, really want to. The magnetic pull of the liquor store is too strong. Usually, an alcoholic has a tremendous level of tolerance and can surpass a problem drinker in terms of quantity and speed, anyway. It's the dependence that separates the two. At least, that is what I have surmised after reading a lot about it.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter what kind of drinker you are. If you don't have a healthy relationship with alcohol, then you really need to do something about it. When you are ready, of course.