Clear Skies

One cool thing about being sober is that my mind is clear. Like, all day. I was getting to the point, especially in the mornings, working through the fog of the previous night's drinking, where I would struggle to find words. Sometimes simple words. This was a little scary. I am finding it easier now to come up with those words. I am not forgetting the names of things anymore. My thoughts and sentences are complete. My conversations flow. This is good.

I am feeling lonely in my sobriety, though. I don't know anyone else with this disease. The friends that I have told and my husband are totally supportive of me, but they don't understand it completely. It has been wonderful listening to sobriety podcasts and reading blogs. I do, however, feel the need to have conversations with live humans who are struggling with alcoholism. Particularly people who are a year or more sober. When I was going through my divorce, I was able to talk to people I knew personally who had been there and that was incredibly helpful. I have since been able to do the same for others. I do hope that one day, when I am much further along in my sobriety, I can be of service to other people. I guess this is why it is important to go to meetings. I am really hoping the one I attend tonight will give me that opportunity, to have that dialog with people.

The Bubble Hour has been great and if you aren't listening to it, I highly recommend that you do. I have also been listening to the After Party Chat podcasts. This is a series of conversations hosted by Anna David. She speaks primarily to people in show business. On the one hand, I am learning a lot by listening to their struggles with addiction, but on the other hand, I have trouble relating because they are Hollywood people and speak that Hollywood language. It sounds like a criticism, and I certainly hope it doesn't come across that way, but I prefer real talk and people in the business have a bit of a phony edge that translates in their conversations, whether they are aware of it or not. There is a lot of name dropping and overuse of the words "honey" and "sweetheart," which seem to get in the way for me. This is their reality, though, shaped by the choices they made to be famous or whatever, but it is a bit foreign to an average person living somewhat anonymously in the world.