Firsts

I received some sad news on Friday. A high school friend died suddenly. Aneurism. I had just seen him a couple of months ago. My oldest friend and I were out and we ran into him at a bar (right before I stopped drinking). He was a larger-than-life personality and I am so grateful we had a nice conversation with him before he passed away. We hung out for about an hour or so, reminiscing about high school. It was a joyful moment.

When I heard the news, it really touched a nerve. Alcohol would have helped me numb the sting in the past, but I am forced to deal with raw emotions sober. The wake is tomorrow night. It is still all so surreal.

I'm finding that the "play it forward" tool has been extra helpful. I keep weaving in and out of moments of wanting "just one," so I have to go through the mental exercise of going to the liquor store and imagining what might happen. Of course, I know that there wouldn't be "just one" and that I would guzzle the entire bottle and feel like shit the next day. So glad I have this in my arsenal. I have a feeling it's going to save me many times in the future.

The Bubble Hour topic was right on point for me this week. It was about "firsts" and toward the end there was a discussion about facing difficulties sober. There was a lot to cram into the hour, so they are breaking it up into 2. I look forward to the 2nd half next week.