Fatigue = Gone, At Least for Now

The last few days, I have finally been feeling like myself again. No need for that 2nd coffee just to keep my eyelids from drooping. I'm not saying that the fatigue won't be back. I have read that it can return. But I am enjoying this normal feeling right now.

It has been 42 days since I turned in my drinking card. 42 days since I voluntarily gave up my booze privileges. The privileges I obviously abused. I am still amused/frustrated that my husband thinks I should be able to moderate at some point. I heard a good snippet somewhere, recently. Maybe it was one of the guests on The Bubble Hour or something from one of the audio books I have been listening to. "No is easier than maybe." This is so true for me. I don't even know what maybe looks like. Maybe is scary. Maybe gives me anxiety,  just thinking about it. Normal drinkers don't have this obsessive relationship with alcohol, thinking about what "maybe" might be. They are either in the mood or not in the mood for a cocktail. It's just that simple. I was out to dinner with a couple of friends on Saturday night and one of them had a ginger ale, I think and the other ordered a margarita.  The first thing she said when she took a sip was, "Wow, that's strong." She only drank half of it. I don't get that. I won't ever get that. Not in a million years. But that's what normal is.

I used to live in Philadelphia. Loved it. Still miss that city. They had Yuengling beer there. I never was a beer person (but I wouldn't kick beer out of bed for eating crackers). However, I really enjoyed Yuengling. It has more alcohol by volume and it's delicious. It wasn't available in New England until recently. Rhode Island just got it. Like a week before I stopped drinking. A normal person wouldn't be as upset as I am about it, even though I stopped drinking on my own accord.

My hope is that alcohol just won't be important to me anymore someday. That it will slide down the scale and turn into just something that people do. I also hope that I am never complacent and think that I can once again go back to drinking. Because, truth be told, even if I were, by some miracle able to hit the rewind button on my brain function, I have already consumed so much booze into this body. Why on Earth would I want to throw more down the gullet? I have done enough damage. It's not like I was eating too much broccoli and had to stop. I was consuming a toxic substance in huge volumes on a daily basis. What purpose would it serve to moderate, anyway? What benefit could I possibly be getting from alcohol? Yes, red wine helps keep your heart healthy, but so does grape juice. It isn't the alcohol part that does the good stuff (but boy did I use the "red wine is healthy" logic when I was actively drinking).