ACOA

I listened to a podcast of The Bubble Hour this morning dealing with the topic of Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA). I am, of course, an adult child of an alcoholic, so I thought I should give it a listen. The podcast started off by listing common characteristics of ACOAs. I listened patiently as it went on. I think of everything they read, I found only 1 trait I could identify with. The need for perfectionism. I also have a tendency to take a lot on.

There is a good reason for this. My dad was a highly functioning alcoholic, just like me. He wasn't an unpredictable drunk. He wasn't a mean drunk. He wasn't the kind of drunk who couldn't manage his life. He was self-employed, which means that he was able to start drinking whenever the hell he felt like it. Which typically meant a six pack was downed by noon. Did he ever slur his words? Fall down on his face? No. He never even got a DUI, though there were MANY occasions in which he drove while drinking beer, with me and others in the car. My father had a deep physical dependency and he controlled it throughout the day by keeping himself evenly buzzed. Until he passed out on the couch because "he had a long day." My father was overprotective of me and had exceedingly high expectations. He noticed if I slipped from an A to an A-. He was there for dance recitals and glee club concerts and graduations. But he was buzzed the entire time.

He had an uncanny ability to drive superbly while intoxicated. He was a sign painter and he produced stunning work while sucking down beer after beer after beer after beer.

Neither me nor my mother broached the subject with him. We didn't even bring it up with each other, save for one time. I asked my mother if she thought he was an alcoholic. She said, "I don't know. Probably."

So, I guess what I am trying to say is, I wasn't the kind of ACOA who spent my childhood being the parent, cleaning up after my father's drunken messes, caring for younger siblings as a parent should, making excuses and witnessing him funnel more and more out of control. But 2 or 3 six packs of beer a day for 20 years does qualify someone as an alcoholic. I'm pretty sure. I did become the president of Students Against Drunk Driving in high school as an effort to try to get him to at least consider not driving drunk. It had zero impact.

I think what my father's alcoholism taught me was how to be a highly functioning drinker, just like him. Through his example. That you can have your "shit together" and still pass out drunk on the couch after "a long day."