Service, Advocacy and Recovery Addiction

How's that for a topic?

I'll start with service, because that was this week's Bubble Hour topic. I am still in early recovery, but the more time I have in sobriety, the more I would like to be of service. I'm not sure what that looks like, exactly. In the SMART recovery program, we don't have sponsors. But, we do have weekly exchanges/check-ins with the people in our group. Our organizer has our contact information and I think we all have his, so if one of us should be in crisis, someone is available. I don't think it's fair that it should all fall on him. He is doing an incredible service to us by organizing the meeting, providing the space, coming up with weekly exercises, making coffee for everyone and supplying workbooks. I feel like there ought to be ways that we can all be of service to each other, besides listening and helping people through difficult situations on a weekly basis.

In AA, people sign up for commitments, which is generally little things at meetings like greeting people and making beverages. This may include sponsorship, I don't know. I strongly agree with the AA theory about service. Helping others helps you stay sober. It's a two-way street.

This brings me to advocacy. I finally saw The Anonymous People, which is a very powerful documentary about taking the stigma away from people in recovery. In it, there are people in long term recovery who speak out on behalf of people with addiction, lobbying hard to change legislation and provide real faces and stories with recovery. In my last post, I talked about how I am not afraid to publicly identify as an alcoholic. I don't think it ought to be a secret or something to be ashamed of. Of course, I must be talking out of my ass, because I have yet to "come out" to my family and extended group of friends about it. I do intend to let people know, but I don't want to just rush out of the gate with it, either. I suppose, if I am asked, I won't withhold or lie, but if I'm not asked, maybe I won't bring it up. I don't know. It really depends on the circumstance. I am thinking about making a soft announcement on Facebook when I get to 6 months or a year (universe-willing). Anyway, I would really like to get involved in advocacy, too, though, again, I am not sure what that looks like for me.

So, I am going to end this post with the idea of recovery addiction. In my mind, this is when an addict becomes completely absorbed with their recovery to the point where it may have negative consequences. This is a personal journey for us, no one-size-fits-all. But we are all addicts. That part of our brain that we fucked up? It's all pretty much the same for each of us. My personal concern is over-committing or being so ensconced in my program that I begin to lose touch with the things in my life that I am fighting for in recovery. Things like my marriage and my friendships. I don't want to get to a point where I can't do something important with my husband because I have a recovery thing to do. This is a tricky subject, I realize, because most people will say that you can't be good for anyone unless you put your recovery first, and I totally get that. But I also have an addicted brain which can be one-tracked if I don't manage it, and I worry that I will get so heavily absorbed in all the wonderful things that recovery offers, I might lose perspective. So, it's a balancing act for all of us. For me, I think it means moderation. It's periodically checking in to make sure that I'm still completely available to the man I love, all while finding ways to be of service and advocate for people in recovery at the same time.

So much to sort through!