Warning: This Is All Over the Place

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about replacement. In my last post, I wrote about how awesome it would be to go to dry bars and have fun with other sober people, without the danger of alcohol ever being a factor. I do think that some recovery groups plan get-togethers where dancing and general merriment is had. I really love this idea. Anyway, I have been reflecting on this weird chasm that seems to exist between actively drinking and being totally sober. I think the alcoholic automatically thinks that they have demoted themselves to something like the little kid's table that they set up at Thanksgiving. Or maybe a Chucky Cheese kind of environment. I mean, hey, I'm all about having fun, kid-style. I love amusement parks and zoos and playing games. But I am an adult. I have a more sophisticated palette than I did when I was a little kid. Back in those days, I was content to fill my plastic cuppie with artificially flavored grape juice.

But I'm now 42. And this divide between the adult, drinking days and the "What do I do now?" days of sobriety is rather deep. Especially in early recovery. I have realized that I really enjoy the ritual, however, there are a couple of ways of viewing that.

1. The ritual itself is part of the addictive cycle. We must, as people in recovery, recognize that we do not NEED the ritual. It's our addiction speaking to us, trying its best to lure us back into actively drinking. It's that old reward center of the brain piping up and reminding us how good it feels to give ourselves something special. 
2. We ought to replace the ritual of drinking booze with safe rituals like walking, meditating, eating a bowl of ice cream, gardening and yoga. 

But there are also conflicting views on the whole idea of replacement.  For some people, whether it's something they want to admit or not, going to meetings can become a bit of an addiction. That's a rather taboo statement and it can cause a lot of defensive responses, as a lot of people in recovery believe that you can't attend too many meetings. I don't stand in judgement of anyone, but I am curious about the varying opinions. Replacing booze with sugar is a very common practice for people in recovery, the idea being that chocolate cake isn't going to kill you, but booze eventually will. Some people replace drinking with obsessive exercise. Again, not a life threatening replacement, but it can get out of control if it's taken too far. And addicted brains have a tendency to take things too far.

I think replacement is fine if it's done in a way that isn't obsessive.  The tricky thing about recovery is that there isn't a "one size fits all" style of sobriety. My truth is different from yours. I love sobriety blogs and podcasts and my SMART meetings. I have discovered that I do NOT like sobriety message boards. I find that people who are trying to be helpful are also dishing out the "one size fits all" type of advice and some people even throw in a little judgement for good measure. We are snowflakes, remember? We are all different, unique individuals and while there are very strong similarities between us because of our addictions, there are also great differences. Perhaps I don't feel like I need to limit myself to diet soda or just plain old water. That feels like sitting at the kid's table. I find myself wanting to explore all sorts of flavors now. Instead of limiting my palette as I once did (while I was drinking), I want to run out and try all sorts of non-alcoholic drinks. I want to be a mad scientist in my kitchen and bring things together that I never would have thought of. I want to explore beverage making in the same way that one has culinary adventures.

I'm not a child, so I'm not going to sit around drinking juice boxes. I'm also in recovery, so, of course, I won't be consuming alcohol. If it's easier for someone in recovery to limited their beverage choices, so be it. But if I want to try all sorts of kooky mocktails, please allow me to do so without judgement.

I'm going to try this one really soon! Check out all these cool recipes - you might find the mad scientist in you coming out, too!

Blackberry Lavender Lemonade (from Autostraddle.com) - YUM!