New Rewards

For so much of my adult life, I fed the reward center of my brain with things that, in the long term, were not rewarding at all. Dangerous, actually. But darn, that reward center craved them. Alcohol, nicotine, bad food. I am now free of all of these things (okay, I do have occasional sugary treats, but I eat healthily 80-90% of the time). I gave up all meat (except fish, which I eat rarely, as my husband is a total vegetarian) almost 10 years ago. A lot of "depravity" has entered my life and now, without alcohol, I find myself to be the person Adam Ant makes fun of in his 80s hit, "Goody Two Shoes." It's odd to be this non-drinking, non-smoking, veggie burger eating, exercising, yoga person who is about to enter the world of massage therapy. This is a completely different person from the 25-year-old girl I used to be in 1996. The girl who used cigarettes to soothe her anxiety. The girl who used drinking to soothe her anger, heighten all her pleasurable experiences, and provide the necessary lubrication in social situations in which she found herself too shy to cope. If she had a bad day at work, she would write herself a prescription for (1) Chinese takeout, (2) a bottle of wine, (3) a pack of cigarettes and (4) a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Good thing she didn't have bad days very often!

Now, I am nearly 100% removed from that person. I never want to work in a cubicle again, I want to remain sober and nicotine-free forever and I want to continue along the path of health and wellness that I began traveling on when I made my first batch of natural soap way back when. Since I changed my brain chemistry, though, it is a challenge to re-think rewards, to come up with strategies for dealing with cravings. "Play it forward" is excellent and seems to be the best tool in my toolbox at the moment. I also like the idea of sitting with the discomfort and asking what it really is that I am upset about. What is it that I feel I am lacking that booze/nicotine/chocolate cake will somehow make better? Really steeping in it and working to identify that issue.

There are, of course, healthy ways to reward yourself.

Good, nutritious food. Fresh, local produce. Simple foods. Food that might cost a little extra, but will be such a treat for your body. 

Healthy, natural body care. I make soap with fruit and vegetable purees (those are my soaps!) and I also encourage my customers to make their own facial recipes with fresh, simple ingredients. Your skin is an organ and deserves as much respect as your insides.

Adequate rest. Seven to eight hours of sleep every night.

Time with nature. I get three miles of cardio in every day and I am luck enough to live up the street from a huge and gorgeous city park (I took this pic on my exercise route). I don't see this as forced exercise. The park is like a church to me, a special and sacred place that I am honored to exist in. 

Appreciation of your body. Not just how it looks or yay! I just lost 3 pounds! I mean, it's great to lose weight (if you are overweight), but I think that if we take the time to appreciate what our bodies do and celebrate that, we can learn to love ourselves more. The human body is an amazing thing, capable of so very much. And we take a lot of this for granted every single day.

Appreciation of your family and friends. This is your support system. And for me, it's the reason I want to be healthy. My husband deserves that. My kitties deserve that. My family deserves that and so do my friends. How can I be of service to others if I am not healthy enough to do so?

I should also add that being able to connect with other alcoholics in recovery has been invaluable. My SMART meetings, The Bubble Hour podcasts, and sobriety blogs - all amazing, inspirational and absolutely essential. Removing alcohol, nicotine and crappy food isn't ignoring my reward center. It IS the reward. Good health is what we all deserve. We are all worth it. Being strong enough to silence those cravings and talk through all of those nagging reasons why we have them ought to be celebrated. With each day, we become more divine, more powerful.

Reward yourself! You deserve it!