Warning: It's time to beat a dead horse!
So, last night, I did what a lot of people in recovery would stone me to death for. I bought a bottle of non-alcohol wine. *Shudder* I've been struggling with PAWS a great deal. Yesterday, I was smack-dab in the middle of a particularly torturous episode of fatigue. I was feeling crummy and all I wanted to do was have a sandwich and plop on the couch after work.
I drank 2 glasses over the course of about 4 hours. And what I realized is that it really isn't the wine I crave so much as a room temperature, unsweetened, slightly bitter, non-carbonated beverage. I don't even want the alcohol part. I LIKE feeling sober. Hot tea usually does the trick for me, but it's been too hot for that.
I guess I'm just hopeless when it comes to this stuff. I obsess about the appropriateness of drinking non-alcohol beer and wine, yet, when I do, it doesn't make me want to drink the real thing and I don't drink a lot of the fake stuff. So, I don't really see the harm. Conversely, I am happy to drink all sorts of non-alcoholic beverages when I am out. But in my mind, I see this entire arena of recovery people screaming really judgmental things at me from a distance. I suppose I will continue to struggle with this issue until I come to some kind of firm personal policy about it.
On the plus side, I am feeling a wee bit better today. This fatigue is miserable. I feel fine for a while and then - bam! - it hits me. This coming Monday will make 4 months for me and I have read that PAWS symptoms peak between 3 and 6 months. I do have a check up scheduled at the end of October with my doctor, so I will mention everything and if there is something else going on, I'm sure I will find out. I started taking a multi-vitamin this week, too, so that can really only help.
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